


Date Night: Round Two

by mechadogmarron



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Canon-Compliant, Character Study, M/M, Second dates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 11:49:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15339237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mechadogmarron/pseuds/mechadogmarron
Summary: Sexy dress, carefully altered to meet his standards of fashion? Check. Stylishly tall hat, almost certainly the next big thing in New Elfington? Oh, you know it. Classic heels? Absolutely.Taako is going to absolutely kill this second date.





	Date Night: Round Two

Sexy dress, carefully altered to meet his standards of fashion? Check. Stylishly tall hat, almost certainly the next big thing in New Elfington? Oh, you know it. Classic heels? Absolutely. Perfectly coordinated umbrella? Probably better to leave that one behind, as much as it hurt the outfit. Didn’t need a replacement of the incident. He accessorized with a classic purse of holding instead.

"Looking good," he told himself as he gave himself a quick one-over in the mirror at their dorm. Hopefully Magnus and Merle wouldn’t ask what he was getting dressed up for, not that it was that different from any other Taako Original Look. If you couldn’t get drop dead gorgeous for a trip to Fantasy Costco, honestly, why would you ever bother getting dressed up? To be fully honest, well, he almost wanted them to comment on it, give him shit, like the sassy older sister in a Fantasy Harlequin. But for all their bonds — their brotherly bonds, as much as he would never admit it, not with his words — Magnus and Merle could never be that, couldn’t play quite that role.

The Chug and Squeeze had been great, but two dates there in a row? That’d be gauche. The Bureau lacked a zoo, and he’d never been one for movie theater dates, but the mediocre, overpriced Italian place was a solid gold option. Eat an ten-GP dollar plate of ravioli or enjoy low-grade steak for just a twelver. Spend twenty gold on a bottle of pinot noir worth no more than five. Take in the carefully manufactured vaguely romantic atmosphere. Pretend the food was actually good when they dropped at least fifty total, probably more, on the way out. Honestly, if you couldn’t have a good date at a classy joint like Penne-tration, where could you have one?

"Where are you headed?" Magnus asked.

"Wouldn’t you like to know?"

"I mean, that’s why I asked."

Taako rolled his eyes. "Havin’ a night out on the town. You know how it is. You know, if you got out more, it might not be such a foreign concept to you."

It wasn’t a long walk to the park-like area where he’d agreed to meet Kravitz; said reaper was standing under a tree, looking as unsuspicious as possible despite being a non-member in a community where pretty much everyone knew pretty much everyone else. A gleaming bracer sat on his arm; a brief spike of fear filled Taako before he realized it was almost certainly a fake, and that Kravitz could simply make himself a skeleton and slip it off anyways. He wasn’t stuck like Taako, wasn’t a screwup like Taako; he had better options.

"Taako! It’s good to see you again. I love the dress."

"Oh, totally, good to see you too, Krav." Nice suit, is it designer?"

"The Raven Queen grants us the power to generate our own outfits, so no, but I can’t say I didn’t take some inspiration from Fantasy Givenchy’s lineup. If I may ask, who are you wearing? I don’t recognize the dress, but it certainly has a handmade feel to it. Not the kind of thing that just comes out of the fantasy factory to buy at Fantasy Gap."

Taako grinned. "Figures you’d be the kind of guy to know your Fantasy Dolces from your Fantasy Gabannas. Dress isn’t designer, but I did spend a good few hours with the bedazzler classing it up — it’s a Taako original, can’t find it in stores."

"You did a good job. It’s quite the look. Would you like to lead the way? I’m not certain where the place is, I’m afraid."

"Oh, you know it."

They were quite the pair, strolling along the streets of the moonbase like they owned the place. Kravitz was a good looking guy a the worst of times; dressed up in a fine suit, black with a delicately embroidered shawl collar, he looked astounding. His thick braids were pulled back with a short blue kerchief of some sort, his lapels decorated with onyx pins resembling raven feathers. He wore little other jewelery, but a pocket watch chain hung from his pocket, almost certainly real silver.

It was nothing like the kinds of things Taako had, nothing like the kinds of things he could afford, but a little swagger (and a little illusion magic) went a long way. He couldn’t remember where he’d gotten most of his clothes, but this one he’d picked up just for tonight out of the deals bin at Fantasy Costco, ugly but with promise. A little work with the needle had helped with that, a little work with the bedazzler, a little bit of Illusion magic to make those glass and metal gems look like something of real value. It had gone from shapeless to shapely, from prudish to borderline indecent. The high collar/sheer upper fabric combo was a classic; the short, tight skirt did a fine job of showing off The Goods. The two of them could’ve been going to the finest events in Neverwinter, dressed like that.

Penne-tration was a mildly classy looking joint. The lighting was dim, romantic, the walls decorated in a sort of rustic-yet-fashionable manner — a wagon wheel, shelves of books, a globe. The host had the grace not to point out that they were incredibly, incredibly overdressed for the occasion, or even side-eye them about it; she guided them to their table with grace and tact, leaving them with a wine menu to peruse.

"You got a preference, bone-man?" Taako grinned, a lazy, good-natured expression Kravitz would like to see on him quite a bit more often.

Kravtiz smiled. "Well, what are you thinking for a meal? A good pairing makes quite the difference; the wrong wine for your meal won’t show off its most delicate notes."

"Well, yeah. I was a chef, you know — I’m not that stupid. I was thinking about the tomato seafood linguine. You really can’t go wrong with crab. Are you a wine nerd, Krav?"

"My apologies; I didn’t mean to imply anything negative! It’s just, well — never mind. The Raven Queen has always appreciated a bottle among her tributes, and as her servitor, I share her tastes." He watched Taako carefully, attentive for any sign that Kravitz’s work was making the elf uncomfortable. Instead, Taako laughed.

"Can birds even drink?"

"Well, we aren’t — I’m not —" He shook his head. "Regardless, seafood sounds excellent; I think I’ll had the same. With that, a crisp, dry white would taste best; perhaps a muscadet?" He checked the menu, then shook his head. "Oh, er, nevermind."

"They don’t have a great selection here. Not really a wine bar. They’ve got prosecco?"

"I’m not sure — that’s not a very classic taste combination, but you are the chef." Kravitz smiled. "You’ve never told me much about that. Were you at a place like this?"

"Gods, no. I was way too good for a dead-end joint like this. Nah, I was out on the road, had a whole thing going on. Went from town to town, prepping the best damn food any of those podunk joints had ever had. Played the Underdark, even — do you know how hard it is for someone who isn’t a drow to get a show going there?"

"That’s amazing! It must’ve been quite a show; wish I’d been there."

He would’ve asked more, but the presence of the waitress cut him off. "Can I get you started on anything?"

"Yeah, could we get, like, a bottle of the Felicity Prosecco and two orders of the seafood linguini? That sound good?"

"Yes, certainly. Will there be anything else for you today? Our bourbon mussels are an excellent pairing."

Taako fought the urge to scoff. "No thank you, I think that’ll be all." As soon as she was out of earshot, he rolled his eyes. "Bourbon mussels. I bet they’re horrible."

"Are you not a whiskey fan?"

"I’m way too gay and way too elvish for whiskey, Krav. It’s fine in cooking, I just don’t trust a joint like this to really put together an excellent bourbon sauce. I’d bet you 50 gold it’s disgustingly cloying. It’s a hard flavor profile to get just right; it takes restraint, class, thought. The seafood pasta, that’s a little harder to mess up. The perfect cream sauce is a challenge, but a good enough cream sauce, any chump can do that."

"Interesting. Did you cook bourbon sauces often during your shows?"

"Nah. Sometimes I’d cook bourbon sauces when I was in towns with distilleries, you know, capture some of those local flair. Not everyone can be a master of transfigurations like I am. But you know I was more into those herbals, wine sauces, lemongrass and basil and all that jazz."

"Oh, that sounds delicious! I’d love to taste your cooking sometime."

"No." It came out before he could think, a brief moment of losing his cool. He took a deep breath. "Sorry, bone lord, I’m just out of practice, you know? Can’t have anyone tasting my food when I’m not at the top of my game."

"Oh, Taako, I’m sure it’s excellent. You’ve been incredibly talented at everything you’ve shown me so far." He smiled. "You’re a fantastic wizard, a skilled potter, and a cutthroat negotiator. You don’t think highly enough of yourself."

Taako laughed. "Look, the great Taako’s fully aware that he’s the best thing ever to come out of stupid fucking New Elfington. I just don’t cook much anymore. I miss it, but you know how it is. You wanted to be a conductor, but here you are reaping souls. I meant to be a chef, but I’m an adventurer now, and you know what? It’s fine. I’ve got the rest of the boner squad to fall back on."

"I still play." It came out soft, careful. "I can’t do the same things I could in life, and I’ve no orchestra to play the standing bass with, but I’m a musician through and through, and a fiddle-off is a traditional challenge to Death. You know, That's the way it is sometimes. We have to make our choices, and we have to follow the path of life has set out for us, but we do have options."

"Can't you take a hint?" Taako raised his voice without really meaning to, upset despite his best efforts. "Look, Krav, the whole cooking thing, it didn't end so good. Wasn't my fault - I am Taako, after all - but that doesn't mean it was easy on me."

"Taako..." Kravitz was looking at him with one of those pitiful looks he'd always hated. No one like that had ever really helped them, just looked down on him. It made him want to puke.

"It's not your business. Look, I get it, we've been on two dates, and now you think you're entitled to the the gory details of my life. You’re not, okay? I like you, and not just because you’re hot, but that doesn’t mean you get to sit here and act like I’m some kind of damaged animal. Stuff goes wrong; so what? I’m living on the fucking moon!"

"Taako, I already know a surprising amount of the gory details of your life. I read your file before the crystal debacle. I just want everything to be good for you, you know? So much has happened, and I’m sure that losing —"

The burst of static that came out of Krav’s mouth was painfully loud, scratching at the inside of Taako’s head; it felt like his brain might just bleed straight out his ears. "Stop, stop. What was that?"

More static.

Taako did not get paid enough to handle this. "Krav, I have no clue what you’re talking about. You got some kinda no-sharing-divine-secrets filter on or something? Cuz all I’m hearing is kstchhhhhh."

"I wouldn’t think she would count as a secret of the Raven Queen, but…" Krav looked at him appraisingly. "Well, I suppose I don’t know. There’s something important you’ve forgot — could you hear that okay?"

"Clear as crystal, but… hey, Krav? This whole thing is giving me a really bad headache, so let's, like, drop it. Like, I don't know about you, but it feels like my head might just pour right out my skull, if that makes sense."

"Not really, I think I understand what you're saying." He would've said more, but the arrival of their food distracted him from the topic. It was clear Taako didn't want to talk about it anymore, anyways-and the last thing he wanted to do was to push the elf's boundaries any further than he already had.

Taako poked as his pasta, maintaining eye contact. "So you've read some kind of creepy file on me? Little weird, Krav. You'll have to give me some of your own juicy deets to even the playing field."

"Well…" Krav took a bite of his linguine, then topped off his glass of prosecco. The food was thick, creamy, with a nice seafood flavor. The pairing might have been a little unusual, but it did have a distinctive Taako flare. "I'm afraid there isn't that much interesting to say about me. I've been dead for a long time, and I pretty much just do my work. Kind of a dull guy. Well, my coworkers think that I'm very good at my job, but that might not be the most exciting news for a former bounty."

"Coworkers, huh? You know me, I just stick to the rest of the boner squad. We're tres horny boys, and all that. They're not the worst." He took a bite of his food. "See, exactly what I said. Perfectly fine. Is it perfect? No way. But it doesn't taste bad. They should have used a little more wine, to lighten the sauce. A nice sherry would've done well. Tastes like they used cooking wine, too, but you should never cook with what you wouldn't drink. That's just a recipe for flat flavors and a bad sauce."

"It reminds me of Fantasy Olive Garden."

"Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?"

"Oh, we all love Fantasy Olive Garden at the reaper headquarters. Any time someone catches a big bounty, it's Garden time. And you know we all get together for that unlimited breadsticks and salad deal. Reapers don't really ever get full – we don't get hungry, either, but it isn't like we have stomachs to fill up. You do not want to see us go to town at fantasy Olive Garden."

"You know, I would make fun of you, because Fantasy Olive Garden is pretty bad, but I also love it. So like, I can't really get on your case. Also, admitting that I actually like that shit is probably the most honest and vulnerable you're ever going to see me, so savor the moment." The pasta was fine, the seafood a little overcooked – but honestly, that was life. If the cost wasn't so high, Taako wouldn't mind it at all, but well, those with the kinds of prices you could command as the premium picky eater date spot on the BOB headquarters. Everyone loved Italian.

"Well, I appreciate it. I could probably get a plus one if you ever want to come along, I think my coworkers would really like you. I mean, everyone likes you, Taako. I literally cannot imagine somebody who wouldn't, at least until you stole from them."

"Hey, the modern man must hustle." He shrugged. "I mean, you've already met my coworkers, unfortunately. I guess I haven't told them we're dating."

"Well, I imagine the dwarf might be upset about his arm."

"Nah." Taako shrugged. "Merle's pretty much impossible to upset. Got a pretty nice replacement arm, too. I just don't want to have to put up with the stupid jokes, because you know those guys are going to be all about the bone town comedy. I'd do the same to them."

Kravitz laughed, despite himself. "You three have an interesting relationship."

"Yeah. Hard to believe I've only known those dumbasses for a year or so."

"Are you certain? Our records indicated –"

"No more headache bullshit, okay? If I say it, it's true." Taako smiled, despite himself. "So, tell me more about your coworkers. Any juicy gossip?"

"Reaper gossip is not exactly the most exciting thing in the world, Taako. I'm afraid that you and I are actually the best of current reaper gossip. I have a reputation as a little bit of a stick in the mud, so dating a bounty is a bit outside my usual purview. Min picked up some new whiskey, stole it from a bounty – apparently quite a good year. It's all he'll talk about. And Rena, well…"

By the time Kravitz had finished sharing the inane details of his many coworkers' lives, they'd paid, found themselves walking back towards the green where they'd met. It was a nice topic of conversation, easy, and something about hearing Kravitz so calm, so relaxed, so focused on his family made Taako feel less empty, a little less incomplete.

"Hey Krav?" Taako said, cutting his boyfriend off in the middle of an anecdote about a Lich who had gotten stuck transformed as a dog. "I just wanted to say – it sounds like we have another mission coming up, so I might be out of contact for a little while. But I've had a really great time with you tonight. I know I'm not always the easiest person to get along with."

"Taako, you're wonderful. Pretty much everyone loves you." Two dates and was too early to profess his own love, and as badly as he wanted to Kravitz knew that much. "And I always know where I stand with you. There's never any question of whether you're okay with something, you let everybody know. I appreciate that about you."

Taako grinned, wrapping his arms around Kravitz long enough to pull him in for a kiss. It was short, sweet – Taako wasn't exactly reserved, but making out in the middle of the base was a bit much even for him, and it was only the second date.

"You'd better get back to work. See you later, bone boy."

When he returned to his dorm, it was with a grin so bright it could blind.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I’m taking a break from my usual brand of the completely incomprehensible and obscure to write the most popular ship in fandom! Trying to mix it up a little, and all that. My headcanon that Taako owns and actively uses a bedazzler remains present, however. 
> 
> The restaurant here is based on a real one. The ravioli and steak at the Italian date spot in the college neighborhood where I went to school are 18 and 22$ respectively for cheese ravioli and shitty-ass steak. The wine is 40$ a bottle, though you can get it for a tenner in the liquor store. The food honestly isn’t great — I’d rather eat Olive Garden. It only stays open because it’s the classy date spot. Also, one of the staff told me I have a baby face once, so… 
> 
> I wrote this in part to practice writing with dictation, as an injury of mine recently became severe enough that longform typing isn't practical. Please let me know if you notice any glaring errors; it's a bit tricky to get the hang of.
> 
> As always, you can catch me at mecha-dog-marron on tumblr if you have any comments or requests!


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